Sorta Familiar
by Stevethebarbarian
Summary: When Sans and Frisk slightly misuse the SWAP, they find themselves repeatedly hurtled into different timelines and universes, the first of which is the strikingly different world of Underswap! Stranded in a world where they never know what to expect, Sans and Frisk have to try to get a happy ending for both them and their new friends, in the first of my AU 001 spinoffs.
1. Chapter 1

Frisk sat on the ground, their hands planted firmly on their knees. They gasped and panted rather desperately, as if they had been without air for minutes on end.

"What… the hell… just happened, Sans?"

"well, i'm not quite sure. we _should_ be in another timeline. or universe. we never quite worked out the bugs."

"We're in another _universe?_ What? Why would that be a thing!?"

"this is how the other kid got here. chara. they used the SWAP."

"Was it really necessary to _demonstrate it?_ "

"eh. it doesn't really matter. we can always just go back. but don't worry. the SWAP doesn't affect time, just space. so technically, when we go back, not a single second will have passed."

"Well, that's a relief. Now, um… where's the SWAP?"

"that's the thing. for some reason, there's margin for error in the machine, and it seems to drop you off in a point of space relative to your experiences in life. what would you consider your "starting point," kid? first thing that comes to mind."

"The very first thing? A starting point? Well… the RUINS. I guess."

Sans smiled a bit wider. There were few words that could describe how pleased he was to hear them list a place in the Underground as their starting point.

"well then, kid, i'd be willing to bet that's were we are. funny, ain't it? i've never been here once in my life."

Frisk stood up and looked around, and the memories came flooding back. This wasn't just the RUINS. This was the exact spot they had fallen into the Underground. They had gotten up here, walked forward, passed through that doorway, and met… Flowey. And then, after that, they had met Toriel.

They were only looking forward to one of those.

"C'mon, Sans. Let's go."

"ok, sure, but remember. things could be a heckuva lot different here."

"Right. I'm prepared."

The two of them strolled rather casually forward, passing through the large gate that led into the RUINS. Frisk called out a bit prematurely.

"Howdy!"

Turning the corner, Sans raised a hypothetical eyebrow at the sight that met their eyes, while Frisk just gasped.

"H0wdy! 1'm Temmie! Temmie the Temmie!"

Frisk was back out the door in less than a second.

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, so much nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, _all the nope."_

"hey, kid, it ain't _that_ bad! right?"

"Sans, it's _that_ bad alright. It has gone _way_ past "that bad" at this point."

"well, um, hey, at least she's um, not as dangerous, right?"

"Well… I guess."

"we're gonna have to get past there if we want to reach alphys and the SWAP again."

"Yeah. I know. Let's go. But I swear to god, Sans, you'd better have that magic eye of yours ready to go."

"sure, kid. i'll have your back."

The two walked back into the room.

"H0wdy! Y0u tw0 d1dn't seem tOO happy to see me! What's wr0ng?"

Frisk glanced at Sans and whispered their theory.

"Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe it's not really Flowey?"

"W0uld the tw0 of y0u like some FRIENDLINESS FLAKES?"

"Nope. I wasn't."

The small Temmie winked one eye and stuck out her tongue, before snapping her fingers and sending dozens of tiny flakes at Frisk and Sans. Frisk drew their knife and swung, knocking the deadly projectiles out of the air before they had a chance to impact them.

"calm yourself, tem. this isn't the time for violence."

"Hmph! You d0n't liek my flakes! U **1d10tz!** Temmie no liek dummy persons! Tem go n0w! Tem see u later!"

And the little cat simply scurried away.

"God, Sans. Now I'm worried."

Sans nervously chuckled. He was just as unnerved as Frisk.

"me too, kid. i definitely didn't see that one coming."

They continued walking, but before they had gotten far, they heard a happy little hum. It was a quiet song, off-tune and a little boring, but still reassuring. Turning a corner, they saw who it was who was making the tune.

It was Asgore, standing around and feeding his cats.

"Hello there, you two! Excuse me, please allow me to finish up here. Then, how about we talk about whatever is on your mind over a cup of tea?"

"K-king Asgore! What are-"

"Ha! King Asgore. I haven't heard that in a long time. After I made the mistake of leaving my beloved wife and moving here, I retired the name. You may refer to me as Asgore, or, if that name does not please you, I also go by 'Gore."

"Oh my god."

"What is it, child? Are you upset? Or are you just **royally** confused?"

"oh my god."

"Ah, yes, my skeletal friend! Do I know you? You seem familiar…"

"uuh, no, your royal kinglyness, i don't think we've met."

"Well, that must be remedied, mustn't it? Call me Gore. What's your name?"

"uh, well, you can call me sans."

"And I'm, er, F-frisk."

"Sans and F-frisk, eh? Nice to meet both of you."

"so, asgore, listen. we're going to have to get out of the RUINS pretty fast."

"Well, I'm afraid I can't let you do that. See, if a human like F-frisk goes out there, they- TORIEL, will kill them. And I can't let that happen."

"hey, gore, buddy, you don't have to worry about it. i got this. and the kid can look out for themselves."

"I'm sorry, Sans, but I can't let you leave the RUINS. It is too dangerous for a child out there, and certainly too dangerous for someone like you, with 1 HP."

"hit me."

"What?"

"hit me, right now. stab me with that poker of yours, or hit me with some fire. _i dare you."_

"Ha! That is funny, friend. But I wouldn't attack you!"

"i'm dead serious, gore, buddy."

"And so am I, Sans. I don't want to hurt you."

"but i won't hesitate to hurt you."

"W-what?"

"attack me, hit me _right now,_ or i will _kill you."_

Sans' eye began glowing as he lifted a hand, summoning in one hell of a confused gasterblaster from outside the RUINS.

" _now,_ dreemur."

Asgore struggled to decide what to do, when Sans fired a warning shot from the gasterblaster, carving a hole through the ground beside him. Finally, as Sans seemed ready to fire one more time, and hit him, he hurled a volley of fireballs at the skeleton with all his force. Instantly, Sans was moving, weaving in and out of the deadly attack with effortless skill, before avoiding it entirely. He then lifted his hand, gripped Asgore's SOUL, and hurled him lightly into a wall, before causing a forest of bones to appear beneath Asgore and throwing him straight at them, only stopping him inches away from the deadly objects.

Sans calmly retracted the bones back into the earth and smiled.

"i can handle it."

Asgore, somewhat stunned, replied.

"Indeed you can. I am sorry to have doubted you. I- err… I suppose you can go."

"i suppose so too. thanks, gore."

And the two strolled off, ignoring Asgore and his veritable army of cats.

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, Sans?"

"desperate times call for desperate measures, kid."

"Yeah, but you seem, let's say… more urgent than usual. I'm honestly surprised you didn't take him up on the offer of the tea."

"i'm not in the mood, kid."

As they left the RUINS, Sans hammered in his point by offhandedly hurling the Temmie/Flowey out of the way as she blocked the path.

"sorry, bud! not in the mood!"

"Wow, Sans. You really aren't messing around."

"'course not. we've gotta get back home."

"Right. Of course. You just really don't seem like yourself."

"heh… sorry, kid. to tell the truth… i really don't know what the problem is… my bad. but hey, we're coming close to the place you first met me. let's see how i'm doin. oh, or what whoever's got my personality is doing."

"Right. Let's g- wait a second. Is that…"

Sans began to crack a smile, or at least what passed as one for him, as the curvature of his mouth got to absurd levels. His smile just. Kept. Getting. Bigger. Suddenly, he erupted into laugher. Not the quiet chuckles that Frisk was used to hearing from him, but full-on gut-busting laughter, an explosion of levity that really caught Frisk off guard. Sans struggled, and failed, to stay on his feet, as he fell to the ground, rolling around. Were it not for the massive smile on his face, and the booming laughs that were blasting from his mouth, one might assume that he was in extreme stomach pain.

"EERR, SANS, IS THAT _YOU?_ WHAT'S WRONG, SANS? ARE YOU OK, BRO?!"

Suddenly, from out of the woods, came the target of the skeleton's laugher, and, coming from behind him, yet another skeleton.

"Sans, what is going on right now? What's so funny?"

"YOU! HUMAN! GET AWAY FROM SANS, NOW! WHAT'S WRONG, BROTHER!? WAIT… IS HE… LAUGHING? AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY CLOTHES?"

Sans struggled to get a reign on himself, but failed miserably, and kept rolling on the ground in uncontrollable laugher.

"d-don't… worry ab-… about it b-bro!"

"WAIT A SECOND? HUMAN? _HUMAN!?_ WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE! AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH SANS! ANSWER, HUMAN!"

"uh, hey, i'm right here! uh, wait a second. is that…"

"You? Yeah, Sans number 2, it is."

"who are you? wait a second… are you… a _human!?"_

"Yep."

"COULD SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHAT IS GOING ON, PLEASE! AND WHY ARE THERE TWO SANSES HERE? I HAVE ENOUGH COOL DUDE ALREADY!"

"u-uh huh!... i-i… gimme a second… HA HA HA HA!"

"That's kind of cold. What if he needed to live with you? He'd probably be crushed!"

"WELL, I… I DON'T MEAN TO HURT HIS FEELINGS… I LOVE ANY SANS! BUT I…"

"How could you be so cruel to someone so emotionally vulnerable!"

Frisk was pointing their finger straight at Papyrus' face, with a harsh expression on their own. Little did the poor skeleton know that the human was just putting him on. For a reason lost on the alternate Sans and Papyrus, Frisk's own Sans simply began laughing even harder. As Frisk had intended, he found the current situation irresistibly hilarious.

"f-frisk y-… you're not h-helping!"

"I- I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE, WHAT IS GOING ON!?"

"Please, Pap, just calm yourself and stop talking for a second! Let Sans get his bearings!"

"how can he be sans? i'm sans! what's wrong with you guys!?"

Frisk's Sans erupted in one more massive burst of laughter, and everyone quieted down. By the time he finally got back to his feet, over two minutes later, there were tears streaming down his eyes and his smile practically curved _over his eyes._

"ok… phew. that was… um… wow. ok, sorry about that. but hey, frisk, i'm in a good mood anyway. s-so… let me guess. sans, right?"

"yeah, i am the great sans! you may have heard of me as the greatest royal guard of all time!"

Frisk had to literally kick Sans, _hard,_ to stop him from exploding in another burst of laughter.

"hi, sans, i'm sans."

"great. just call me sans."

"you too. about me. well, i'm sorry about earlier. i guess i just found everything very… **humerus."**

The alternate Papyrus stifled a smile, as the alternate Sans gave off a look of pure horror.

"i thought that you were _me,_ not _him!"_

"well, let's just say i had a similar problem earlier."

"We have to talk."

"AGREED. WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS IT OVER A CUP OF TEA? I'M JUST KIDDING, LET'S GET SOME SPAGHETTI!"

Frisk's Sans smiled, and gave the alternate Papyrus the "double finger-guns" and a wink.

"sounds great. hey, sans?"

"yes, sans?"

"you got any ketchup?"

"you know i do!"

"we've got more in common then i thought."

Frisk sighed, smiled, and put their hand on their forehead.

"You sure do."


	2. Chapter 2: A Fair Exchange

"Mmm! This is the best spaghetti I have ever eaten!"

"THANK YOU! I ALWAYS DID ENJOY COOKING!"

"really, frisk? it's _good?"_

"Yeah! It really is!"

"you're not, uh, just saying that to please them?"

"No, honestly Sans, it really is good."

"wow. there are more differences between this world and ours than i thought. let me get a plate."

Frisk and Sans sat at a table with the skeleton brothers alternate selves. Papyrus, who somehow had inherited Sans' personality, was identical to his more familiar self in Frisk's universe, with the exception of the fact that he wore clothes strongly resembling Sans'. His blue hoodie, which Sans wore so naturally, looked fabulously strange on the lean and lanky Papyrus, and his constant pose, one hand in his pocket and the other cocked at a strange angle, palm to the ground, just like Pap back home. Instead of rocking slippers constantly like Sans, this Papyrus wore sneakers, constantly untied, which annoyed his brother to no end. He also wore shorts that were obviously much to small, which showed a large amount of thigh… femur. His expression was a strange constant, a cross between an attempt at a serious expression and an humorous smile.

Sans, on the other hand, wore a version of Frisk's Papyrus's Battle Body. It was, however, much smaller and fatter than Papyrus' version, giving Sans the impression of being a large, skeletal baby. He also wore shorts, but instead of looking extremely small, like they did on Papyrus' extremely long legs, they looked quite long on his, giving them the appearance of extremely baggy pants.

Although Sans and Frisk knew full well that this universe wasn't a copy of theirs, and was simply a parallel, they couldn't help but laugh at the fact that both of them appeared to have thrown fashion sense out the window in what seemed to be an attempt at comedically copying the Sans and Papyrus of their universe.

The two brothers' personalities seemed even more twisted. Both shared Sans' love for puns, but seemed to hate each other's jokes as a matter of principle, while they might spout out the exact same one-liner a few days later. The alternate Papyrus was lazy, like Frisk's Sans, but not in the same way. While Sans was lazy because he didn't care about anything, and was constantly sleepy, Papyrus seemed to be lazy because of a genuine aversion from all types of work, and usually loitered rather than sleeping.

The alternate Sans, on the other hand, was completely active and hyper, even more so than Frisk's Papyrus. He was constantly moving, and could hardly stand still for a second. However, he seemed to share his parallel's need for sleep, and would crash like a child after a long day of activity. Another notable change, one that Frisk's mental theories about the nature of this world couldn't explain, was the fact that the alternate Sans and Papyrus claimed to be twins. Frisk couldn't figure out why one of them wouldn't be older than the other, but decided it didn't really matter. It was on one of these aforementioned romps of activity that Sans was currently on, having stepped out of the house to take a run down to the dogs' home and play with them. He would probably be back in less than five minutes.

But, the greatest change, in Sans' mind, was Papyrus's great skill in cuisine. That was another thing that confused Frisk a bit. While the brothers' positions had obviously been reversed, and their personalities seemed to be a jumble of their own and their brother's (That is, their brothers in Frisk's timeline), their actual hobbies, pastimes, and enjoyments seemed to stay the same. Papyrus loved to cook, and loved nothing more than good spaghetti. Sans, on the other hand, couldn't get enough of the condiments, something that greatly pleased his counterpart from Frisk's universe.

"SO… YOU'RE SAYING THAT IN YOUR TIMELINE, I _CAN'T_ COOK?"

"well, um, lets just say that you can't cook… well."

"To put it gently, his brother's spaghetti is… mediocre."

"I PRESUME THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT."

"Ok, now I'm curious. So, Asgore lives in the RUINS, right?"

"UM, WELL, I DON'T KNOW. SANS TOLD ME ABOUT A MAN DOWN THERE WITH LOTS OF GOOD JOKES, BUT NEITHER OF US EVER KNEW HIS NAME."

"Ok, that was definitely Asgore."

"THAT NAME RINGS A BELL…"

"I am just going to go out on a limb here and say he is the ex-husband of… Queen Toriel?"

"YES, THAT'S RIGHT! THEY SPLIT UP QUITE A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN THE QUEEN STARTED…"

"Killing humans to break down the Barrier? Yeah, that's nothing new to us. Now, I'm just gonna tell you what you probably already know. In our universe, Asgore is the king of the Underground who killed six kids for their SOULS in order to help monsters escape, and Toriel is his ex-wife who has become a kind motherly figure who is also the unofficial ruler of the RUINS."

"tori and i were great friends. let's just say we had some good laughs."

"WERE?"

"uh, sorry, bad choice of words. we _are_ friends. even though we only came here about twelve hours ago, it seems like a lifetime since we saw anyone. now, i just gotta know… what do you know about undyne?"

"WELL, UM, SHE IS THE ROYAL SCIENTIST FOR QUEEN TORIEL… AND SHE UM, IS, UH, GREAT! YEAH, SHE AND I MET WHEN SANS AND I JOINED THE ROYAL GUARD UNDER ALPHYS."

Sans' smile grew even wider when he heard the words "Royal Scientist," began to chuckle a bit when Papyrus described her as "great," and finally let out a hearty laugh when he heard that Alphys was the head of the royal guard, something that seemed natural when he heard that Undyne had taken her place, but simply got so much funnier when he heard it out loud.

Frisk was almost unnerved by Sans' laughter. In the few hours since they had met this universe's Sans and Papyrus, they had heard Sans laugh more than they had ever heard in all their time knowing him, by a long shot. Sans was a comedian, but one could say that laughter didn't really come easy to him. They supposed that situational humor appeared to be his thing.

"god, that's a new one. alphys is the brave leader of the royal guard and undyne is a nerdy scientist. i honestly wish they were both here to hear it now."

"WELL, I WOULDN'T DESCRIBE UNDYNE AS A _NERD,_ EXACTLY. SHE'S JUST SOMETHING OF AN… INTELECTUAL."

"i'd pay to see that. but i guess i won't have to, since we're on our way there anyway."

"Speaking of that, Papyrus, would you like to come with us?"

"WELL, I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES HERE…"

"don't worry about it, buddy, you and, uh, sans can hang around and have a good time. besides, i want you to be there when the barrier comes down."

"WHEN THE _WHAT,_ HAPPENS?!"

"oh, i guess i didn't tell you. we weren't about to leave here without giving you something in exchange for your hospitality. so we're going to bring down the barrier."


	3. Chapter 3: Moving On

Papyrus almost _died._ After about thirty seconds of silence, he decided he must have heard them wrong.

"I-I'M SORRY, BUT… WHAT DID YOU SAY, SANS?"

"ya need to work on your listening skills. i said we're gonna take down the barrier."

"T-THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE… YOU… THE HUMAN… UM, _FRISK_ WOULD HAVE TO _DIE_ TO DO THAT!"

"common misconception. a human can survive without a SOUL for a few minutes, so i'll just take their soul and the six that as- um, toriel already has, knock down the barrier, and then give frisk their SOUL back."

"BUT THE SOULS WILL BE DESTROYED WHEN YOU BREAK DOWN THE BARRIER!"

"not according to what the kid says. what did you say happened again, frisk?"

"Don't act like you don't remember. You're just too lazy to retell the story again."

"so what if i'm too lazy?"

"I thought you were trying to _hurry."_

"yeah, yeah, that's right. just tell the story."

"Fine. Long story short, Toriel and Asgore's kid, Asriel, got turned into a flower in our timeline after his SOUL was destroyed and he was injected with DETERMINATION, so he needed his own SOUL to become whole again. However, in the end, he decided he wanted to be a GOD, so he absorbed all six of the human SOULS Asgore had collected, and then absorbed all of the monster SOULS, so he had seven. He became a GOD, just like he expected, but I talked him down. He released the SOULS and knocked down the Barrier, and all the monsters were fine, so I have to assume it would be the same with me and Sans."

"UMM, OK, SO, LONG STORY SHORT, A MONSTER KNOCKED DOWN THE BARRIER AND THE PEOPLE WHO'S SOULS WERE TAKEN WERE FINE… RIGHT?"

"you got it."

"WONDERFUL! LET'S GET GO-"

Papyrus' jaw fell open a it really hit him what was happening. He _felt_ it. Somehow, up to that point, the words of his new friends had been just that; words. But now, he really understood what those words _meant._ They were going to _bring down the Barrier._ The monsters were going to be _free._

And he was completely speechless.

"I… I… OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, THANK YOU… THANK YOU _SO MUCH._ I… I… HOW CAN I…"

"repay us? make some more of that spaghetti. you got any problem with me picking up sans? i'd like to get going as soon as possible."

"UM… I… RIGHT, UH, _RIGHT!_ LET'S GO! YOU GET SANS, I'LL PACK SOME CLOTHES AND FOOD FOR THE ROAD! AND UM, LOTS OF NOODLES AND SPAGHETTI SAUCE!"

"heh. thanks, br-… papyrus."

"Y… YOU'RE WELCOME."

Frisk smiled. They had to get going.

Sans stepped out the door and disappeared in a sudden instant, leaving the snow on his clothes to fall to the ground. Frisk had seen that plenty of times since Sans decided he trusted them, but they still couldn't help but find it unnerving. Moments later, Sans teleported back with Sans. Notably, the two weren't touching, so the alternate Sans must have been able to teleport as well.

"i'm back. i heard we were going on a trip! you guys all ready to have a good time?"

"yup, that sounds great."

"I AM… DEFINITELY READY TO GO WHEN YOU ARE!"

"You sure do pack fast."

"WHEN THE FUTURE OF YOUR ENTIRE RACE'S FREEDOM IS INVOLVED, YOU TEND TO RUSH A BIT. ALSO, WE ONLY EVER WEAR A FEW DIFFERENT PAIRS OF CLOTHES."

"well, that turned out great. let's hit the road."

"You guys follow behind! I want to run into this stuff for the first time on my own, or just with Sans!"

"why would i come?"

"Not you, Sans, my Sans."

"me?"

"That's the one."

"I-I… FINE, I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. IF I WAS IN YOUR UNIVERSE, I WOULD PROBABLY WANT TO DO THE SAME."

"fine, i'll go with ya, kid, but we can't waste time."

"Alright, let's do it!"

The two set off, the alternate Sans and Papyrus hanging back for the sake of Frisk's curiosity. As strange as it was, the novelty of being in a parallel universe like that was too interesting to ignore, or to ruin by hearing the information from Papyrus.

So they went on to experience it for themselves. The first place they reached was Doggo's familiar lookout station. It seemed to be unoccupied. On closer inspection, however, there proved to be a dog at the station after all. The Annoying Dog, to be specific. Smoking Papyrus' special attack.

"Goddamit. Oh how the mighty have fallen."

Annoying Dog looked up at them, squinting, before yipping once, shaking the fabric of the universe itself, before going back to it's bone. Frisk and Sans decided to move on.

Moving forward, they headed to an area they knew would be interesting. The jurisdiction of Dogamy and Dogaressa.

The two dogs came charging them as Sans put his hands calmly into his pockets and smiled. It took Frisk a second to get it. There didn't seem to be any difference between these dogs and those in their own timeline.

And then she picked up on it. Dogamy and Dogaressa had switched with _each other._ One was now on the left, and the other on the right. Sans quickly explained the situation, and the two dogs immediately let them pass, but not before Frisk showed them that a dog could pet another dog. Their lives had been lightened up. Perhaps more than they would be when the Barrier got rekt.

They moved on, rather quickly. The Lesser Dog was next. This was proving even more entertaining than either of them had expected.


	4. Chapter 4: Bark, Sizzle

"well, uh, so kid, you say that the lesser dog usually hides in this pile of snow?"

"Yes, but, to tell the truth, the pile is usually kind-of… not the size of a small hill. In fact, it's usually about the size of… er… the Lesser Dog, I guess."

"well, i'd be willing to bet that this _is_ lesser dog-sized, if you see what i'm getting at."

"Yeah, I feel you. Let's push this snow away and-"

They didn't have a chance to finish their sentence, nor did they have time to push away the snow before it began to shake violently. Moments later, Sans and Frisk were blasted with icy slush as the pile of snow exploded in every direction. Within it stood the Greater Lesser Dog.

"uh… well… i can't say this is _exactly_ what i expected…"

"Me too."

The Lesser Dog, was, as they had expected, much bigger than it's normal self, and was, as they expected, about the size of the Greater Dog. But rather than wearing a massive suit of armor like the Greater Dog did, he was actually a massive, hulklike beast, muscular and imposing. It was almost nine feet tall, with a tail as thick as Frisk's entire torso and a bicep that they could sleep in if they hollowed it out.

And then it howled. When the Annoying Dog barked, they weren't really scared, cause they knew he was nothing but an unintelligent, harmless, but slightly peeved god. But when the Greater Lesser Dog howled, both Frisk and Sans were shaking, both metaphorically, in fear, and literally, because the howl was actually physically impacting them.

"do you… want to pet it?"

"I, um, think we should… let it have it's turn first."

"oh, yeah. you as worried about this as i am?"

"Yes, 100%, completely, absolutely, and totally."

"glad to see i'm not alone on this one."

The Greater Lesser Dog took it's first course of action instantly, bounding up to Frisk and Sans quickly, leaping into the air and coming down hard before trying to lick Sans, who dodged backward to protect his 1 HP. Frisk, however, decided to take it, and was lifted off the ground and fell back down on their back, leaping instantly to their feet. Greater Lesser Dog wagged it's tail and waited for Frisk to pet it, which they did. Sans awkwardly winked while using telekinesis to pet it from afar, knowing that he really didn't want to get too close.

It wagged it's tail, stretched it's neck, and barked again. Frisk and Sans left, immediately. They knew that as long as they kept petting it without SPARING it, it was just going to keep attacking, at least for a while, so they got out of there.

So, once again, they kept going. Moving on to the field of snow poffs, they checked each one, one by one, to see if any of them were suspicious.

The first one was a snow poff.

The second was a snow poff.

The third was, SURPRISE; another snow poff.

And another.

And another.

And another.

But once they got to the last one, the one under which the Greater Dog usually hid, they were met with a shocking revelation. It was a snow poff.

Frisk scratched their head, but, suddenly, everything became clear when a tiny nose and tail popped out of the poff.

Frisk recoiled in the memory of the dozens of times they'd been through this, but Sans wasn't quite instinctually afraid of one of his constant aquaintances, so he had no such reaction. And about the exact same time Frisk managed to calm down, the Lesser Greater Dog had emerged from the poff.

It was very, _very_ small. In fact, it was actually quite a bit smaller than the Annoying Dog. Neither of those present had ever seen either a miniature poodle or a Chihuahua, but had they seen such tiny pocket pets, they would have instantly associated the one with the other.

But they hadn't. Frisk went through the normal rounds with the harmless puppy, beckon, pet, play, pet, pet, and then left just in time to keep the little guy from stealing one of Sans' vertebra.

And they went on. Grillby's wasn't far down the road along with the rest of Snowdin, but neither Sans nor Frisk could guess who he would be swapped with. They started betting on it.

"i'll bet a plate of papyrus' spaghetti that grillbz turns out to be… eh… burgerpants."

Frisk laughed out loud.

"You're just saying that, and when it turns out you're wrong, you'll just give me some of _our_ Papyrus' spaghetti instead!"

Sans' smile went down a bit.

"hey, kid, don't be uncool about it. papyrus' cooking is improving every day, just like everything else about him. just because the pap around here is a better cook _now_ doesn't mean that my bro won't become better than him in just a few more… years. but he _will_ get better, i promise you that. just like someday he'll realize how good my jokes are. now their punchlines seem to just go **in one ear and out the other**."

"You're improving at comedy, too, Sans."

"very funny. now, what's your bet?"

"Well _I_ bet one slice of Toriel's butterscotch cinnamon pie that Grillby is Muffet."

"that actually… kind of makes sense. don't get me wrong, i don't know if either of them have so much as _heard of each other,_ but that dosen't mean that they couldn't be swapped. i mean, c'mon, flowey was a temmie."

"So let's find out."

The two strode into the eating establishment, and were surprised to find none other than Grillby behind the bar- completely unchanged. He was his same old flaming bartender self.

"huh. i wonder. hey, grillby!"

"Hello, Sans. I don't see you here often. And I'm also not used to you dressing like Papyrus. Are you… er… switching places for a day, or something of that nature?"

"oh, uh, no, grilbz. it's a lot more complicated than that. but when it comes down to it, your close. tell me something, buddy, what's your favorite food?"

"Why, Echo peppers, of course."

"yup. this is his same old self. fyi, kid, echo flowers aren't a thing."

"Sooo… Grillby is… just like he is in our universe? Shouldn't someone have noticed that? Like, um, somebody like G-"

"he, um, usually rushed. like, a lot more than we are."

"I see. So… you want to discuss this over lunch?"

"we just ate lunch."

"Over a… light snack, then?"

"sure."


	5. Chapter 5: Hiss

Sans and Frisk spent a bit more time than they should have at Grillby's, Sans chugging about a bottle and a half of ketchup, despite his agreement to have "a light snack," and Frisk eating fries.

"ok, let's go over what we know. so, flowey is a… tem. asgore and toriel are switched, and so are pap and i. also, uh, so are alphys and undyne. grillbz is the same…"

"Sans, I know what you're getting at. What about _me."_

"heh. yeah, that's the big one. so, uh… we've got that rampaging maiac that looks just like you back in _our_ timeline… so… do ya think…?"

"It's definitely possible. I hope to god not, but it's possible."

"so… assuming they fall about the same time you would otherwise…"

"Then they should get here… I don't know. I wasn't here before I was here."

"right. so the CORE is active… that happened just a few years before you fell. and pap and the other sans are sentries, which happened just about two years before you fell. so, they're gonna be here in a maximum of two years, that or, uh, _never._ the minimum… well, asgore could be _dead_ right now for all we know."

"So… we've gotta stay."

"no, we don't, kid. hey, grillby?"

The flaming bartender strolled over to Sans' position.

"tell me, how long ago did the CORE start running?"

Grillby thought for a moment before answering.

"Exactly eight years and six days ago. Queen TORIEL's official CORE Day was last AMICESDAY."

"oh, god. they'll be here within the _day._ "

"Then what do we _do?"_

"… we're gonna need some help. if we can bring down the other frisk, assuming they are evil, then we can simplify this whole "knock down the barrier" thing quite a bit. i'll absorb the SOULS, bring it down, and then scatter 'em to the ends of the earth."

"Sans, you _know_ I'm against killing."

"yeah, of course. that's you're whole shtick. but the thing is, kid, if that human is anything like the one that showed their face in our world, they ain't worth saving."

"That's not true, Sans. Everyone is."

Sans' smile drooped a bit.

"kid. if undyne hadn't gotten there when she did… papyrus… he'd be… **dead. he would be dead because of that kid.** if this one is anything like that one- **we are not sparing them."**

Frisk still disagreed, but they decided it wasn't worth arguing with Sans about anything related to Papyrus.

"Fine. I'll go with you on this one."

"good. now, like i said, we'll need help. since the kid's just now falling, they won't have a drop of exp. i'll be able to hold 'em off, probably nearly forever, but i won't be able to kill them. so, uh, since you probably don't want to sully your hands with any LOVE, we'll need someone else to do it. since asgore is this world's toriel, he won't either. this sans would refuse, he just wants to capture them. and this papyrus is in the same predicament as me, i think. so, uh, i figure the best option would be… alphys? head to waterfall, kid, and find her."

"… allright. What should I do if she tries to… kill me?"

"kid, she wouldn't be able to _scratch_ you. you're more determined than anything she could _comprehend._ you're a boss, kid. fight like one."

"Sooo… what? Dazzle her with my overwhelming strength?"

"no, of course not. she's the heroine that NEVER GIVES UP. just run away."

"Yeah. Right."

"i'm just sayin' don't worry about getting' hurt. those spears'll bounce right off you."

"I hope so. Ok, let's go."

Sans strolled off toward the RUINS, while Frisk rushed toward Waterfall, passing through Snowdin as they went. The sights were… strange. Snowdrake with "decorations" hung on her mask. Gyftrot trying to be a comedian. (Worse than Sans, Snowdrake, and Papyrus, all put together.)

They saw Monster Kid, looking suspiciously like… oh, _god._ They moved a bit faster, as the Kid ignored them. They were glad.

Either way, it wasn't long until they heard the tramping of massive footsteps.

A massive shadow loomed in the forest.

Stepping out of it, came one of the most imposing, and yet almost comical, sights that had ever graced Frisk's eye.

Thankfully, they were standing in the shadows, out of her line of sight.

Alphys was truly tremendous. A full nine feet tall at least, she would have dwarfed even ASGORE. Her armor was the strangest piece of machinery Frisk had ever seen. It approximated Undyne's armor in _design,_ but on the other hand, it was much, _much_ bigger and bulkier.

Sprouting from every single little piece of the armor were tubes carrying steam, one of it's power sources, wires carrying electricity, another power source, and much smaller tubes carrying an unknown, third power source.

The suit made Alphys look like a _tank,_ but it soon became obvious that she wasn't actually one. Her head, neck, and shoulders were visible in the top of the towering machine, making it clear that she was the same Alphys that Frisk knew and loved. Sure, she was quite muscular. But she was no Undyne.

Either way, the most notable accessory that the warrior carried was a tremendous hammer. The monstrous weapon made ASGORE's trident look like a toy knife. The weapon looked like _Undyne_ would have trouble hefting it. It was leveling trees just being carried. Even _with_ her massive super-suit, Alphys had to drag the colossal bludgeon behind her, leaving a long trail in the ground, like the trail that Frisk's Alphys usually left with her tail, but more badass and destructive.

"Hey! You! Identify yourself!"

"U-uh, hi! I'm Frisk! Listen… you might not believe me, but… I need your help."

"Why wouldn't I believe you?"

Alphys took a few more steps forward.

"I'll help any monster in need, any time, any place. So what's up?"

"Here's the part you might not believe. The king… King ASGORE… he's _alive."_

"H-hey, kid, don't get over exuberant. Everybody's heard the rumors, the myths. ASGORE is in Waterfall! ASGORE is really living in the RUINS behind Snowdin! ASGORE is secretly working on the CORE! Kid, we've heard 'em all, and none of them are true. 'Cmon. Whadda ya say you come with me, and maybe get some nice cream?"

"Alphys. I've _seen him._ Personally. He lives in the RUINS and keeps cats. He's a pretty cool dude."

Alphys raised an eyebrow, hefted her hammer up onto her shoulder to stop tearing up the ground, and took a few steps closer.

"Don't pull my leg, kid! I'm not as easy to trick as you seem to think I am."

Frisk sighed, and looked at the ground, still in the shadows out of Alphys' sight.

They stepped out.

"Fine, Alphie. You want to make it like that… you can. Alright. Come at me."

Alphys stepped back in shock.

"Human!"

"That's right."

"You were trying to lure me out the whole time, so you could sneak past! Well, it's _not_ gonna _work!"_

"I know."

"HERE!"

Alphys held out her palm, and a tiny device flew out. Frisk was shocked to discover that it was in fact a laser sword.

"Don't get me wrong, it's just for defense. Get ready, human!"

Suddenly, massive booster rockets ignited on the back of Alphys' hammer, swinging it slowly into the air, before slamming it down with inconceivable force into the spot that Frisk was standing in instants before they dodged out of the way.

"Whoah."

All of Waterfall shook. Frisk saw the very rivers _bounce_ out of their banks.

Undyne's fight hadn't been like this, that was for sure.

That was actually the thing, Frisk realized as they ran for their life, a hulking Alphys chasing after them. Undyne _had_ this power, she just didn't use it. To tell the truth, Undyne had nothing to prove. She did over-the-top stunts just because she could, not because she wanted to show how strong she was.

As Frisk dove forward once again, they quickly decided that, with Alphys, this was not the case.

* * *

Sans frowned.


End file.
